The Thin Line between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(3)

The name “Yoruba” was originally the Hausa name for the Oyo Kingdom, meaning “the people of Oyo state”. Oyo was the pre-eminent city of the Yoruba between the 16^th and 18^th centuries(that’s a long time before you were born, and if you were born then and are reading this article, back to sender.) Yoruba is not spoken only in Oyo state now, many states in the South-west are Yoruba-speaking states (all the ‘O-states’ included, to make it easy for you to cite). Other Countries in Africa have enclaves that speak languages very similar to Yoruba. Foremost amongst them are Benin and Togo. The black population of London is comprised mostly of Yoruba people. Brazil and Cuba also have a large population of Yoruba descendants.

The Yoruba are renowned for their art, famous for magnificent terra cotta works throughout the 12^th and 14^th century.

 

Some common Yoruba foods include moin-moin, akara, amala, ewedu soup, egusi, ogbono, fufu, iyan, ogi.  Vegetables are also a large part of their diet. Jollof-rice and fried-rice are cooked for festivities, Iyan as well.  Other popular dishes include maize, yam, plantain, beans(called ewa), eggs, chicken, pumo(cow skin), saki and other types of assorted meats. (I love Yoruba cuisine!)

Yoruba language has been changing through the centuries. Many Yoruba-speaking states speak varied dialects. Some of these dialects are hard to understand by other Yoruba people. Yoruba have a rich vocabulary. Just as many Yoruba states start with the letter ‘O’, Yoruba people are often made fun of by saying they frequently use vowels in their speech: ‘Oo’, ‘Aa’, ‘Ye’, ‘Ee’.

Respect is a major part of Yoruba culture, I can’t say this one has changed through time. For the Yoruba, a lack of respect by a youngster is seen as the most singular indication of bad home training. Unruly children are a stain to the family name. As a child (and even now, sometimes), my mother reprimanded me whenever I didn’t greet her properly in the mornings or after an extended period of absence from her sight. I always felt her sentiments were too unrefined. She taught me well though, because, whenever we went to the village or distant ‘villagy’ relatives came calling, they were always happy with us. We always greeted them well. Respect is an important part of Yoruba culture.

In wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom must acknowledge the family they are marrying into.

Yoruba people have indigineous textile/fabric: Aso-oke, adire, Ankara. They wear lace when in a celebratory mood. Ladies love to tie colourful, flamboyant igele’sJ

 

I love Yoruba culture. It has been well preserved.

When I was growing up, as much as I disliked my mother’s constant warnings when I didn’t kneel properly, i started to loath the Yoruba way of greeting. I erroneously linked it to low self esteem because I thought: ‘why must I greet you so..urghh!’ lol. As I grew up and became more exposed to various Nigerians of other cultures, I realized other cultures had their own ways of showing respect, while  they may not be as gestural, they were just as important.

I have Igbo neighbors, and my mum always refers to the children in that family anytime she decides to talk about my rebelliousness when I was young. Indeed those children greet every senior person in their path. You just take a liking to them because of that.

I know now, that the ‘fear culture’ is not specific to tribe because I have seen very annoying Igbo and Hausa men alike that fit perfectly into the description I gave in my previous post. So is it a self-esteem issue? Yes indeed. You may say not all ‘bully elders’ have a low self esteem. Yes, some have learnt it by virtue of association. This thing is contagious. Beware of Dogs. Many Nigerians now think having a rude and condescending attitude is a natural right to a top position in any particular office. Conversely, you notice that the average Nigerian man is very timid in the face of his seniors. A Nigerian is always looking to do things the ‘right way’ for fear of ridicule; ‘When you went to ask, what did he say?’, ‘Is it okay to go to the bathroom whenever I feel like’(lol, this one I just made up), ‘Ehn..we know what they are doing is not fair, but who is going to talk. Me? No o. You talk first, im at your back’. This may sound funny but its actually very sad. I notice that this is a difference between the western culture and the African culture. In the western world, people are more vocal. They speak their mind.

So, yeah...this ‘fear culture’ is actually contagious. Run away from it. Make sure you are immune. When you catch yourself feeling bad just because your ‘oga’ stared at you a little longer, you have caught it. Don’t come near me!

The Thin Line Between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(2)

Oga in a Nigerian Company

To be an Oga in a Nigerian company ‘is nor isi o’.  To successfully be an Oga in Nigeria, you have to fufill these basic requirements:

·         Stare meanly at any of your subordinates till you are greeted, even then, convert the mean look to a blank expression and answer gruffly.

·         Ignite Uneasiness in any one unlucky enough to be around when you pass by. The kind of uneasiness that makes them feel they’ve been caught doing something wrong even when they are working hard  on their company assignment.(hehe)

·         Receive any compliments with a quick, wordy explanation of the next job  they are to do.

·         Never, ever allow a subordinate go unpunished for not greeting you each time he/she sees you in the morning, afternoon and evening. Educate any new hires/interns of your importance by reproving first offenders(the ones that don’t have good home training: ‘didn’t you see me?!’)

·         Instill fear in your subordinates by demeaning guys in your team in the presence of their own subordinates.

 

·         Make sure everyone understands the unwritten rule; ‘Never, ever approach me unless you have something very important to say, even then, know that I am being disturbed. I am carry the whole organization on my neck, for crying out loud!!’          

         

·         Make sure your representative cannot successfully say the name of your organization’s official website on air. The best he can do is say ww.nameofwebsite, next, He should refer the public to you.

Please feel free to post your own requirements! Lol!                

The Thin line between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(1)

·         % Respect your elders

·         # Where does respect end and fear begin?

·         *  Oga in a Nigerian company

·          *     Is it a Yoruba thing?

·         $ Is it inferiority complex?              

·         (  What can we do?

What an old man sees sitting down, a young man cannot see standing up.

Or so the adage says…it is one of those age-old sayings I have heard on various tongues. It connotes the awe-inspiring wisdom of the grey-head. It tells the young one that his wisdom is foolishness to elders; innocence and naivety rule his world, he is blind to understanding.

In more ways than one, this is true. The bible tells us to respect our elders, it is just the right thing to do. We ought to respect them. We ought to respect them because they’ve ‘been there, done that’. Their variety of experiences dwarf ours.

Where does respect end and fear begin?

But where does respect end? Where does fear begin? It seems there’s a thin line between respect and fear in our Nigeria. I will try to make bold the differences:

Scene 1

You pass by your boss and forget to greet because your mind is totally occupied with some assignment you have to finish. You remember you did not greet a few seconds after he’s passed. You silently regret not acknowledging the presence of such an achieved person. You like his charisma. He’s one of your mentors. RESPECT

You pass by your boss and forget to greet because your mind is totally occupied with some assignment you have to finish. You remember you did not greet a few seconds after he’s passed. You go around to make sure you run into him again to loudly greet him and smile sheepishly.  You cannot afford being in his bad books. That will be ugly. FEAR

Scene 2

Senior ITK asks you to go fetch water from the well…it’s a 20-minute trip to and fro. You really need to get to class to study. You have a Chemistry test tomorrow. You explain calmly to her that you have to study. You could fetch it for her after studying, if she still needs it then. RESPECT

Senior ITK asks you to go fetch water from the well…it’s a 20-minute trip to and fro. You really need to get to class to study. You have a Chemistry test tomorrow. You curse loudly in your mind, look blankly at the buckets and pick them up. You do not frown because you could be punished. FEAR

Scene 3

Your Father is obviously teaching you something wrong. He has been teaching you something  outdated in this course, you have read recently in school that the technology has been improved. You calmly and humbly explain to him that the class is not necessary, you have learnt the subject. RESPECT

Your Father is obviously teaching you something wrong. He has been teaching you something  outdated in this course,you have read recently in school that the technology has been improved. In a shaken  voice you try  to explain you have been taught what he’s explaining. He shouts back at you. You endure the long unnecessary session(lol): FEAR. 

IN...

I woke up with a start: ‘Huh?!’ I said gruffly as I strained my sleepy eyes to see the person who had tapped me. I couldn’t quite do that. My brows furrowed into a quizzical look, I could feel his…it’s breath on my face. It smelt better than it looked, this was no person.  

I scurried backward as my instincts kicked in. What is this?!!! My brain screamed as fear enveloped it and my eyes darted around looking for an escape route. It was hunched over, standing on two hind legs with hoofs that looked like those of a goat. It had only one fore limb, right in the middle of its hairy chest, its hairy body. Its body was red, a bright red that was deeper at its back than its chest. Its face was round..or is it square?...its angular jaws made it squarer than round. It had an unreasonably huge face!  

I was shocked at the ugliness of the beast before me.

It just stared at me. There was something a little odd about its eyes. I had long noticed its humongous body blocked the only tiny hole that was an opening in the dark cave. I was trapped. HA!! ‘I started to think I was dreaming. It could only be in a bad dream one saw ugly animalistic behemoths that had no place on earth; The contorted workings of one’s sub-conscious mind. My body was pressed hard against the walls of the cave, it was softer than I thought it would be. Rocks were hard, right? Why did the rocks in this cave feel like sand? I quickly realized the ‘soft’ rock could give way to another opening, I started clawing frantically at the rocks, throwing  big pieces across the small enclave. Panic heightened as I knew this would anger the  beast… I might not make it alive.

 I stopped short in my erratic scratch when I had a human’s voice: “Tony, it’s me. It’s daddy”.

‘I Don’t Want a Fairy Tale Wedding”....seriously?

What’s new about Empress Njamah?

I have House of Empress Boutique based in Abuja. I have a spa. I have a saloon. And I’ve been working on so many things; especially my brands and I embark on loads and loads of traveling too. My free times I do one or three movies and I’m working on two more. They keep shifting, shifting because my movement no dey pure (laughs). My Boutique is it is standing firm in Abuja with branches here and there. Lagos is clustered for me but it’s not an excuse. I’m still working on Lagos. I still need a lot of people to psyche me on that because is one place is that I want to do this thing but there are loads of competition in Lagos. And then a lot of people don’t want to do their stuff but when they see you doing well with your stuff they want to get into your stuff. So I’m actually taking my time. But I have loads of customers in Lagos that I bring stuffs for more than every other place. But basically I love Abuja right now. 

Why are you still single?

I’m going to say this and I don’t care how people take it: days when marriages were sweet and all beautiful are no more. If you listen to how your parents got married and how those days it was sweet, it’s not like that anymore. And then, I’ve escorted a lot of people into marriages, I won’t say I’ve escorted them out but I’ve witnessed them come out of it. So psychologically it’s not good for people and then being what we are, a lot of people think because she’s this, because she has that, I don’t think I will be able to handle her. And then a lot of people can’t stand an industrious woman especially if she’s doing well. It’s the mentality people. I’m a car freak all right. I have five cars and I’m not doing it because I’m trying to show off, a lot of people don’t even know that they are my cars. But I’m trying to be honest with you and I always trying to say it the way it is, not minding whatever. If a man comes and says because I am a car freak, he cannot handle me then I would not bother. Every woman’s dream is to get marriage but it’s not just to get married but also to get married to your friend. I want to marry my friend.

And have you met your friend?

I’m yet to meet my friend. If I had met my friend and I know that’s my friend, I don’t think that question should actually popup. If I’ve met my friend I will get married. And then I’m this type of person that even if I meet my friend; I don’t want to have a fairy tale wedding.  Inauguration

Why?

Yes, don’t judge a book by its cover. People always look at Empress as flashy. She’s this and that. Trust me; I’m the simplest person you can ever meet. I’m playful, I’m jovial, and I’m interesting. I’m not blowing my trumpet. But I don’t have a dull moment.

What perfume do you wear?

Oh I’m a freak. I have a shrine. I’m not kidding. You can ask like two or three people here that knows me I have over three hundred perfumes.

Do you have a few favourites?

I wear masculine perfumes. I love strong perfume because they always have an after smell. And I’m not particular about the designers. I’m particular about smell. And I can never wear one perfume. I wear like three, four perfumes at a time so you definitely don’t know. And I’m that bad I can tell what someone is wearing, if you are wearing a known perfume. I can give you a few names. I’m wearing a Tom Ford, Black Orchid, Eaudemoiselle de Givenchy, Poison, Trouble, I think I’m wearing over six because I went to my hotel room like three times and each time I try to step out, I must always use a perfume. And I wear oil perfume most time. Most times when the weather is hot I use the oil perfume so that my skin doesn’t get burnt or affected. I have loads of perfume (laughs). That’s the only question I love answering.

(Culled from www.thisdaylive.com)

What is this??...this girl is annoying me.