The Thin Line between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(3)

The name “Yoruba” was originally the Hausa name for the Oyo Kingdom, meaning “the people of Oyo state”. Oyo was the pre-eminent city of the Yoruba between the 16^th and 18^th centuries(that’s a long time before you were born, and if you were born then and are reading this article, back to sender.) Yoruba is not spoken only in Oyo state now, many states in the South-west are Yoruba-speaking states (all the ‘O-states’ included, to make it easy for you to cite). Other Countries in Africa have enclaves that speak languages very similar to Yoruba. Foremost amongst them are Benin and Togo. The black population of London is comprised mostly of Yoruba people. Brazil and Cuba also have a large population of Yoruba descendants.

The Yoruba are renowned for their art, famous for magnificent terra cotta works throughout the 12^th and 14^th century.

 

Some common Yoruba foods include moin-moin, akara, amala, ewedu soup, egusi, ogbono, fufu, iyan, ogi.  Vegetables are also a large part of their diet. Jollof-rice and fried-rice are cooked for festivities, Iyan as well.  Other popular dishes include maize, yam, plantain, beans(called ewa), eggs, chicken, pumo(cow skin), saki and other types of assorted meats. (I love Yoruba cuisine!)

Yoruba language has been changing through the centuries. Many Yoruba-speaking states speak varied dialects. Some of these dialects are hard to understand by other Yoruba people. Yoruba have a rich vocabulary. Just as many Yoruba states start with the letter ‘O’, Yoruba people are often made fun of by saying they frequently use vowels in their speech: ‘Oo’, ‘Aa’, ‘Ye’, ‘Ee’.

Respect is a major part of Yoruba culture, I can’t say this one has changed through time. For the Yoruba, a lack of respect by a youngster is seen as the most singular indication of bad home training. Unruly children are a stain to the family name. As a child (and even now, sometimes), my mother reprimanded me whenever I didn’t greet her properly in the mornings or after an extended period of absence from her sight. I always felt her sentiments were too unrefined. She taught me well though, because, whenever we went to the village or distant ‘villagy’ relatives came calling, they were always happy with us. We always greeted them well. Respect is an important part of Yoruba culture.

In wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom must acknowledge the family they are marrying into.

Yoruba people have indigineous textile/fabric: Aso-oke, adire, Ankara. They wear lace when in a celebratory mood. Ladies love to tie colourful, flamboyant igele’sJ

 

I love Yoruba culture. It has been well preserved.

When I was growing up, as much as I disliked my mother’s constant warnings when I didn’t kneel properly, i started to loath the Yoruba way of greeting. I erroneously linked it to low self esteem because I thought: ‘why must I greet you so..urghh!’ lol. As I grew up and became more exposed to various Nigerians of other cultures, I realized other cultures had their own ways of showing respect, while  they may not be as gestural, they were just as important.

I have Igbo neighbors, and my mum always refers to the children in that family anytime she decides to talk about my rebelliousness when I was young. Indeed those children greet every senior person in their path. You just take a liking to them because of that.

I know now, that the ‘fear culture’ is not specific to tribe because I have seen very annoying Igbo and Hausa men alike that fit perfectly into the description I gave in my previous post. So is it a self-esteem issue? Yes indeed. You may say not all ‘bully elders’ have a low self esteem. Yes, some have learnt it by virtue of association. This thing is contagious. Beware of Dogs. Many Nigerians now think having a rude and condescending attitude is a natural right to a top position in any particular office. Conversely, you notice that the average Nigerian man is very timid in the face of his seniors. A Nigerian is always looking to do things the ‘right way’ for fear of ridicule; ‘When you went to ask, what did he say?’, ‘Is it okay to go to the bathroom whenever I feel like’(lol, this one I just made up), ‘Ehn..we know what they are doing is not fair, but who is going to talk. Me? No o. You talk first, im at your back’. This may sound funny but its actually very sad. I notice that this is a difference between the western culture and the African culture. In the western world, people are more vocal. They speak their mind.

So, yeah...this ‘fear culture’ is actually contagious. Run away from it. Make sure you are immune. When you catch yourself feeling bad just because your ‘oga’ stared at you a little longer, you have caught it. Don’t come near me!

The Thin Line Between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(2)

Oga in a Nigerian Company

To be an Oga in a Nigerian company ‘is nor isi o’.  To successfully be an Oga in Nigeria, you have to fufill these basic requirements:

·         Stare meanly at any of your subordinates till you are greeted, even then, convert the mean look to a blank expression and answer gruffly.

·         Ignite Uneasiness in any one unlucky enough to be around when you pass by. The kind of uneasiness that makes them feel they’ve been caught doing something wrong even when they are working hard  on their company assignment.(hehe)

·         Receive any compliments with a quick, wordy explanation of the next job  they are to do.

·         Never, ever allow a subordinate go unpunished for not greeting you each time he/she sees you in the morning, afternoon and evening. Educate any new hires/interns of your importance by reproving first offenders(the ones that don’t have good home training: ‘didn’t you see me?!’)

·         Instill fear in your subordinates by demeaning guys in your team in the presence of their own subordinates.

 

·         Make sure everyone understands the unwritten rule; ‘Never, ever approach me unless you have something very important to say, even then, know that I am being disturbed. I am carry the whole organization on my neck, for crying out loud!!’          

         

·         Make sure your representative cannot successfully say the name of your organization’s official website on air. The best he can do is say ww.nameofwebsite, next, He should refer the public to you.

Please feel free to post your own requirements! Lol!                

The Thin line between Respect and Fear in Nigeria(1)

·         % Respect your elders

·         # Where does respect end and fear begin?

·         *  Oga in a Nigerian company

·          *     Is it a Yoruba thing?

·         $ Is it inferiority complex?              

·         (  What can we do?

What an old man sees sitting down, a young man cannot see standing up.

Or so the adage says…it is one of those age-old sayings I have heard on various tongues. It connotes the awe-inspiring wisdom of the grey-head. It tells the young one that his wisdom is foolishness to elders; innocence and naivety rule his world, he is blind to understanding.

In more ways than one, this is true. The bible tells us to respect our elders, it is just the right thing to do. We ought to respect them. We ought to respect them because they’ve ‘been there, done that’. Their variety of experiences dwarf ours.

Where does respect end and fear begin?

But where does respect end? Where does fear begin? It seems there’s a thin line between respect and fear in our Nigeria. I will try to make bold the differences:

Scene 1

You pass by your boss and forget to greet because your mind is totally occupied with some assignment you have to finish. You remember you did not greet a few seconds after he’s passed. You silently regret not acknowledging the presence of such an achieved person. You like his charisma. He’s one of your mentors. RESPECT

You pass by your boss and forget to greet because your mind is totally occupied with some assignment you have to finish. You remember you did not greet a few seconds after he’s passed. You go around to make sure you run into him again to loudly greet him and smile sheepishly.  You cannot afford being in his bad books. That will be ugly. FEAR

Scene 2

Senior ITK asks you to go fetch water from the well…it’s a 20-minute trip to and fro. You really need to get to class to study. You have a Chemistry test tomorrow. You explain calmly to her that you have to study. You could fetch it for her after studying, if she still needs it then. RESPECT

Senior ITK asks you to go fetch water from the well…it’s a 20-minute trip to and fro. You really need to get to class to study. You have a Chemistry test tomorrow. You curse loudly in your mind, look blankly at the buckets and pick them up. You do not frown because you could be punished. FEAR

Scene 3

Your Father is obviously teaching you something wrong. He has been teaching you something  outdated in this course, you have read recently in school that the technology has been improved. You calmly and humbly explain to him that the class is not necessary, you have learnt the subject. RESPECT

Your Father is obviously teaching you something wrong. He has been teaching you something  outdated in this course,you have read recently in school that the technology has been improved. In a shaken  voice you try  to explain you have been taught what he’s explaining. He shouts back at you. You endure the long unnecessary session(lol): FEAR. 

IN...

I woke up with a start: ‘Huh?!’ I said gruffly as I strained my sleepy eyes to see the person who had tapped me. I couldn’t quite do that. My brows furrowed into a quizzical look, I could feel his…it’s breath on my face. It smelt better than it looked, this was no person.  

I scurried backward as my instincts kicked in. What is this?!!! My brain screamed as fear enveloped it and my eyes darted around looking for an escape route. It was hunched over, standing on two hind legs with hoofs that looked like those of a goat. It had only one fore limb, right in the middle of its hairy chest, its hairy body. Its body was red, a bright red that was deeper at its back than its chest. Its face was round..or is it square?...its angular jaws made it squarer than round. It had an unreasonably huge face!  

I was shocked at the ugliness of the beast before me.

It just stared at me. There was something a little odd about its eyes. I had long noticed its humongous body blocked the only tiny hole that was an opening in the dark cave. I was trapped. HA!! ‘I started to think I was dreaming. It could only be in a bad dream one saw ugly animalistic behemoths that had no place on earth; The contorted workings of one’s sub-conscious mind. My body was pressed hard against the walls of the cave, it was softer than I thought it would be. Rocks were hard, right? Why did the rocks in this cave feel like sand? I quickly realized the ‘soft’ rock could give way to another opening, I started clawing frantically at the rocks, throwing  big pieces across the small enclave. Panic heightened as I knew this would anger the  beast… I might not make it alive.

 I stopped short in my erratic scratch when I had a human’s voice: “Tony, it’s me. It’s daddy”.

‘I Don’t Want a Fairy Tale Wedding”....seriously?

What’s new about Empress Njamah?

I have House of Empress Boutique based in Abuja. I have a spa. I have a saloon. And I’ve been working on so many things; especially my brands and I embark on loads and loads of traveling too. My free times I do one or three movies and I’m working on two more. They keep shifting, shifting because my movement no dey pure (laughs). My Boutique is it is standing firm in Abuja with branches here and there. Lagos is clustered for me but it’s not an excuse. I’m still working on Lagos. I still need a lot of people to psyche me on that because is one place is that I want to do this thing but there are loads of competition in Lagos. And then a lot of people don’t want to do their stuff but when they see you doing well with your stuff they want to get into your stuff. So I’m actually taking my time. But I have loads of customers in Lagos that I bring stuffs for more than every other place. But basically I love Abuja right now. 

Why are you still single?

I’m going to say this and I don’t care how people take it: days when marriages were sweet and all beautiful are no more. If you listen to how your parents got married and how those days it was sweet, it’s not like that anymore. And then, I’ve escorted a lot of people into marriages, I won’t say I’ve escorted them out but I’ve witnessed them come out of it. So psychologically it’s not good for people and then being what we are, a lot of people think because she’s this, because she has that, I don’t think I will be able to handle her. And then a lot of people can’t stand an industrious woman especially if she’s doing well. It’s the mentality people. I’m a car freak all right. I have five cars and I’m not doing it because I’m trying to show off, a lot of people don’t even know that they are my cars. But I’m trying to be honest with you and I always trying to say it the way it is, not minding whatever. If a man comes and says because I am a car freak, he cannot handle me then I would not bother. Every woman’s dream is to get marriage but it’s not just to get married but also to get married to your friend. I want to marry my friend.

And have you met your friend?

I’m yet to meet my friend. If I had met my friend and I know that’s my friend, I don’t think that question should actually popup. If I’ve met my friend I will get married. And then I’m this type of person that even if I meet my friend; I don’t want to have a fairy tale wedding.  Inauguration

Why?

Yes, don’t judge a book by its cover. People always look at Empress as flashy. She’s this and that. Trust me; I’m the simplest person you can ever meet. I’m playful, I’m jovial, and I’m interesting. I’m not blowing my trumpet. But I don’t have a dull moment.

What perfume do you wear?

Oh I’m a freak. I have a shrine. I’m not kidding. You can ask like two or three people here that knows me I have over three hundred perfumes.

Do you have a few favourites?

I wear masculine perfumes. I love strong perfume because they always have an after smell. And I’m not particular about the designers. I’m particular about smell. And I can never wear one perfume. I wear like three, four perfumes at a time so you definitely don’t know. And I’m that bad I can tell what someone is wearing, if you are wearing a known perfume. I can give you a few names. I’m wearing a Tom Ford, Black Orchid, Eaudemoiselle de Givenchy, Poison, Trouble, I think I’m wearing over six because I went to my hotel room like three times and each time I try to step out, I must always use a perfume. And I wear oil perfume most time. Most times when the weather is hot I use the oil perfume so that my skin doesn’t get burnt or affected. I have loads of perfume (laughs). That’s the only question I love answering.

(Culled from www.thisdaylive.com)

What is this??...this girl is annoying me.

There’s something smelly in the water

Ok, this heading  is just a twist to Brooke Fraser’s classic; Something In The Water(you should listen to it)

The thing in the water smells here though. I’m not love-struck.

On the 30^th of April, I went to Mega Plaza to look for something thoughtful to buy for my friend, Ify Babee(hehe). It was her birthday. It was supposed to be cheap too, I forgot to add that part. By cheap, I mean, N700 or less.  On my way, I had the brightest inspiration!...i would get her Peanut Butter. The girl consumes the thing like a gourmand. So I thought that would be perfect. I cat-walked into the mall, I had to, everyone there was cat-walking too;  In the land of the cat-walkers, the one walking straight seems crippled. I was no cripple. So, with my head high, i asked the sales girl where peanut butter was,  she gave me directions as she eyed me.….N600 was on my mind. Hahahaha. I saw a N1000 label and started looking around the shelf to see if that was an error. I bought it eventually, consoling myself with: ‘nothing is too much for Ifeoma’.

Have you noticed the rows of DSTV dishes on the windows of 1004 flats in V.I, Lagos? If that is normal to you then it means you don’t know it is possible to have huge dishes with many LNBs that can serve more than one flat. Of course it is more gainful for DSTV to sell one dish to one family.  We think the best available is a Dual-LNB dish, for the parlor and bedroom. (I won’t say Go-TV is a better option though J)

I don’t know the number of people dying because of the lack of standard airbags in our ‘tear-rubber’ vehicles. I mean, putting airbags in a car is a standard safety measure abroad! Well, most of the cars we import here don’t have the added ‘luxury’ o! (Do your research) It’s just cheaper to sell those cars to the scrambling buyers in developing countries.  So, next time you turn your ignition, check for the airbag light, if you see none, I advise you to pray before moving and drive like every other person is a madman.  Smelly

I don’t want to get started with MTN’s weak services.  Thank goodness we can port in minutes now J, that’s good for them *sticking out tongue* . On a serious note, why would you add a data cap to an ‘unlimited’ data-plan for BB users.  It says Unlimited on your website and then you text to 777 and they reply that it’s actually 200MB. Smelly

Well, I am not happy Mega plaza is owned by an Isreali, I don’t know if I’d be happier a Nigerian was ‘stealing’ N400 from me. Maybe. That Eko Hotel(EKO!..meaning Lagos, the heartbeat of Nigeria) is not owned by Nigerians. Not good…..uh hun….Smelly

 I have many grievances with the way my country is run. But, I must not overlook the resilient efforts of some of her patriotic citizens to better our lot. By patriotic citizens, I mean all Nigerians who do their work with diligence and finesse, who don’t wait for tips to complete the processes in their job descriptions, who consider Nigeria a great country and take the issues of our country 'P'.
To all of you who are just waiting for an opportunity sent from above to bail from Nigeria, 'anu yi n se mi' better don't go and add to the economic problems of other countries! Recently, all of the 'americana' Nigerians i have come across i  asked why they are back here. The answer is always directly linked to this adage: "East or West, Home is Best"

Nigeria has many heroes, We need more.

Across the street

I look outside my window and see a middle-aged white man in the compound across the street. There is something subtly odd about this view. I can’t quite put a finger on it.  He is walking around, perhaps just out to stretch, in shorts and a plain shirt. Or is it striped? I can’t see well.  I continue to stare, I know I am intruding his privacy a little. The height from which I see him is several feet above his head. He is in his little safe compound and someone is watching.

The 3-storey Egyptian embassy with tall coconut trees and a mature mango tree in its front yard is across the street, Kofo Abayomi street. Half of the mango tree is over the walls of the compound, generously providing shade for a woman sitting under. She has been there since the first day i looked out this window, selling credit cards. There is always a queue of cars on this street!...they remind me I am in the office, somehow.

Perhaps what makes me stare longer than I ordinarily would is because I am staring at a white man. I catch myself staring like one would when one saw something totally new and unusual. I wonder: ‘why is he this casually dressed in such a corporate environment?’. A trace of misdirected anger flows through me, penetrating the thick glass, far above the walls surrounding this gigantic four-storey building , the street, above his little grey gate, descending to him. Why should he dress so casually when everyone around him is working?...Every black person, every Nigerian.

I shift my attention lazily to the moving cars, my face is at right angles to my body, but I’m no more interested in the sluggish motion of the cars than I am in the unattractive young man across the office who has been staring at me. I ascend slowly into some form of limbo, my eyes are fully open, but I see nothing. They seem to have retreated deep into my mind where more active interrogations build up; ‘Why is he dressed so casually?’, ‘This is not his home… this woman outside his walls has nothing to do but spend her days selling, for a miserly income’.

My face starts to betray my thoughts as my brows furrow into a worried crease; “But, I can’t blame him just for being white…This is the Egyptian embassy, not American nau!” “Urgh..Please, white is white” “So what if he is white, don’t we have leaders?” “It is our leaders who have failed us, wicked bunch of leaders we have” “He is just a normal person, like you are, in a foreign country…a poverty-stricken one. Don’t blame him for your poverty, please don’t blame him for your poverty”. 

My head snaps back into place as I straighten my back and square my shoulders, Usman has just returned to his computer, across mine. I give him a dreary look, “Don’t dare judge me for looking out the window!”. My brows are still creased. I stare at my computer blankly. The conclusion which Usman delayed came crawling back as my eyes dim again: “By blaming him for your problems, you give him the power to solve them, to help you. In doing that, you become truly inferior”.

Hey, Brother!

This is a shout-out to the smartest guy i know, the most gentle, the kindest, the best brother one can have. Setemi, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you soooo much!! You have added so much value to my life.
As you turn 2keoshjsoijg today, i pray you experience all the wonderful aspirations you have in mind.
God bless you!!

Your Darling Sister.

Room mates (1)

You have had a room mate, at one time or the other. Maybe, as a boarder in secondary school, in the University or even your brother/sister.
Room mates! Room mates!! They can be your closest buddy or the pain in your right armpit. You either feel like hugging them when you get to the room or sitting on their heads and smiling as you hear their muffled screams for help. Lol.
I have had a fair share of  'good' and 'bad' room mates in my short time on earth. I'd have to start my gist from the University because in Secondary school, the room mates were too many to count. It was like Fuji house of commotion there(urghh, i sigh as i remember the gross details). Well, my first room mates in the university were odd. It was a very odd combo; Mole, Frog, Cat and Ant. I was Ant...and yea i chose the animal names for some characteristics of each person. Ant and Cat were close...i guess we were close because we were both enemies of the rest of the floor members....awkward times when you feel close to someone because both of you share a common hatred. hahaha. that was it. The four of us didn't make up a bad association, not a good one either. Flat. Bland. The only taste was Cat, hehe(you know yourself).
My second year, i was with uhmm Bat and hahahahhakaha!, i have to stop this animal assigning, its making me laugh so hard, i cant continue writing.
In my second year in the university, life at Room E212,  Mary Hall was one of drama. I considered myself the protagonist,  and of course, i had a packed-full audience with individual inclinations. At the time, i thought my room was akin to goal. I never deeply considered the fact that the protagonist is the antagonist to the antagonist. Haha. So will i be right to say i was the protagonist in the drama? Maybe, maybe not.
Sometimes, what screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how things are supposed to be. We should prepare to get shocked by people. After all, no two people are the same.
I'd continue my story about room mates later on.
Cheers!

Do you eat like this?

Just saw this hilarious video and had to share it!

First meat

I launched this blog yesterday and i started to think of my first post. Well, i need not have bothered. For, one of those events that happen every once in a while, to teach you a life-lesson, happened yesterday.
I was coming back from my workplace(as an intern) in Victoria Island and waited for the occasional bus to Ajah, the bus arrived early(unlike other days when i would wait forever and engage in a running and pushing competition to enter. Well, most times, i give up. There's no pushing some 'able-bodied' men o! ah! for my bodily safety and don't let me get started on the aggressive women). Yes, the bus arrived as soon as i exited my Company's building and stopped right in front of me. This was going to be a good evening! We had spent about thirty minutes on the road before i heard terrified gasps from the back(i was in the front seat). One woman was screaming: "blood of Jesus!! blood of Jesus!!!". Others were trying to get out of the bus by all means.There was commotion. I thought it was a fire. The bus had just passed the toll gate and we parked next to the Police men who stationed there. As i turned to have a better look(while opening my door in case i needed to flee), i saw what the commotion was about; a young man, maybe in his late twenties was having a seizure. His head was backward in an awkward angle and his arms and legs were stretched out stiffly before him. He was shaking vigorously whilst foam and what looked like water sipped through his lips. I knew i had seen this before. Some passengers had given themselves and the bus a reasonable distance, i knew they thought it was contagious or maybe a spiritual problem they didn't want(Nigerians!). I was a bit surprised, i had not seen a seizure as close up as this, i had witnessed from afar, read about it, read about what to do to someone having a fit, but never this up-close...and graphic. I started telling the terrified women not to shout, they needed to calm down, really.
There was this man though, he was sited next to him as well but he was not shouting and trying to get away. He was helping the man. He laid him down on the bus' floor and started to blow him. I told him we had to bring him outside for fresh air.
Another man was asking for water to pour on him. They poured it( i don't know if it worked) but he seemed better. We lay him on the ground there, waiting for him to come around. Some soldiers came around to see what was happening. One, a senior one, was saying nobody should pour water on him, that he would come around. He specifically warned that we gave him space, not because he needed fresh air but so we would not contract the disease,i nodded my head sadly. I knew this disease was hereditary, it could not be contracted by touching the person.
Well, one thing that shocked me was the kindness i saw yesterday. Ah! people can be kind. I was happy nobody even suggested we leave him there and continue our journey. We all waited for him like he was a brother we were used to. Some people went to sit on the gutter's edge, the driver and conductor made funny remarks about the women who were screaming earlier. The mood was generally good. Everyone felt like a hero, we knew we were doing the right thing.
We waited and waited, thinking the young man knew what was happening and would stand up soon....he had stopped convulsing and looked ok. But he was sleeping, sat up and was nodding. I tried to ask him if he could enter the bus, he just looked at me with distant eyes. The conductor eventually came and said: 'bros, you don ready?'(something like that) 'may we dey go nau' and he said; 'to where?', 'Ajah, na Ajah we dey go'. I then understood what i had missed; he had no memory of the event. When we reminded him of his destination, he looked round and saw people staring at him. Realization shone on his face and he stood up, looking a little embarrassed.
The bus was back on the road again and in serious holdup just a few metres in front of the toll gate. I started giving glory to God in my heart, the statement; 'health is wealth' should not be understated. Immense gratitude flooded me as it sunk in that all my daily petty worries can't be compared with a life of ill health. What if this guy was in  a bus with unmerciful people? Is it not to dump him by the roadside after removing all the valuables from his pocket? What if he was frying yam? Would he have poured the hot oil all over his body? I thank God for good health.
I learnt gratitude yesterday, renewed gratitude that most of my worries are filled with 'petty'  things.
I learnt that we all can be good, and kind, and merciful to total strangers. We all can be.